The Valentine’s Day (After) Massacre

Valentine’s Day, a day to spend with a cherished one, telling them how important they are to you and buying them flowers, chocolates or rude beer glasses. It’s all well and good but after that it’s nice to have a change isn’t it. With this in mind Spirited Phoenix invented the Valentine’s Day (After) Massacre.

Friday 15 February nine Ninja Fat Pigeons assembled with one aim, to beat Sweapt at Halo 3. Well there were other aims but that emerged as the night’s theme. The party was made up of Spirited Phoenix, Deep Squirrel, Leg of Time, Sweapt S T F U, WillyC3000, Paradroid 476, Oxycutor, Martimo, and myself. Having assembled we entered into round one, Lone Wolves style Slayer on Guardian. A good warm up match, some fun banter and plenty of beatdowns with Leg of Time emerging as the winner. Sadly Oxycutor left us at this point, such is the merciless nature of the Valentine’s Day (After) Massacre.

Suitably warmed up we headed into battle again in round two. Slayer on High Ground. A frantic match lasting a mere three minutes or so. This round saw a fairly even spread of scores with the victorious Deep Squirrel and Sweapt outclassing the rest of us. In the end we had two people in last place, with Martimo honourably bowing out allowing Spirited Phoenix to survive this round.

Round three, Rockets on Narrows. I hate this map, I hate rockets. I lost. Leg of Time and Sweapt were virtually neck and neck with Leg just winning the round by one kill. Similarly at the bottom end Spirited Phoenix and myself battled for second to last place. My two careless suicides cost me my place so I headed over to join Oxycutor in the loser’s lounge.

At round four, slayer on Sandtrap, the prematch prediction of Leg and Sweapt as favourites had proven to be the case. Deep Squirrel stepped up and met both of their gazes. Despite the hugeness of the map the round netted 40 kills with Leg’s killing frenzy securing him victory. Meanwhile in the loser’s lounge Oxy and I welcomed Paradroid 476 to our party.

Still in it at round five we had Deep, Leg, Sweapt, Spirited Phoenix and WillyC3000. The familiar game of slayer appeared again, this time on Isolation. The three titans further widened the gap with a closely fought battle that saw Deep emerge as victor and Spirited Phoenix seal his place in the next round by one kill more than Will. As we welcomed Will to the loser’s lounge Mista Gav arrived having missed the start due to watching Rude Tube and encouraged us all to watch it, for the remainder of the competition I listened happily to everyone’s shared laughter as they all switched over, sadly I play my 360 through a monitor so could only imagine the delights entertaining all. It’s an interesting way to experience a TV program.

Back over in the competition round six, slayer on Valhalla, began. A huge map for four people to square off in but 29 kills occurred. Leg of Time nabbed the heavy machine gun and took five lives in the process with Sweapt bringing death from the skies with the Banshee. Deep took the more tradition FPS route and tagged a couple of sniper rifle kills whereas Spirited Phoenix threw caution to the wind and set about running people over in the Wraith. In the end Leg won the round and Spirited Phoenix headed over to the laughs of the loser’s lounge.

Round seven took place in Epitaph. A closely scored three-man free-for-all was to follow. Sweapt grabbed 6 shotgun kills to win the round. Deep took the berserker approach and beat his way to second place pushing Leg of Time to the loser’s lounge.

It had all built up to this, two pigeons enter, one pigeon leaves. The huge Construct map being the venue for this colossal throwdown between Max and Master Blaster, erm Sweapt and Deep. A battle that seemed to be largely made up of two weapons, Deep favouring the battle rifle over Sweapt’s quick seizure of the energy sword. Violence ensued with both sides scoring kills in the double figures, however the sword emerged mightier in this case and Sweapt slashed his way to victory and extended bragging rights.

All in all it was a great night and I hope we can do more mini tournaments like this in the future. Thanks have to go to Spirited Phoenix for the idea and organisation and also to everyone who played. Congratulations to Sweapt for his victory. It remains to be seen which way the next tournament will go. It’s North versus South, for Queen and Country, in Burnout Paradise. Sweapt, Deep and Leg will all be on the same side for that competition so expect a lot of same team takedowns!

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